Right now the dark feels darker
The quiet: excruciatingly quieter
Autonomic responses not automatic
And I miss my peaceful partner.
I just want to sit not alone
And talk or not talk
And have everything be simpler
And safer and right....
~LLL~

8/23/2022

My Brother

Wow....22 years have passed....
These words today are not mine, but my Mom's...

DANCING WITH ANGELS

One night in a dream a muse came to me,
It is time to put grieving behind
For a dear little boy so cheerful and pure,
So gentle and loving and kind.

When you're lonely and sad, your heart near despair,
Close your eyes, and you will see
Your boy, your babe, so happy and free
Dancing with angels up there.

His countenance shone forth his goodness,
In his heart was never found guile;
Although faced with many afflictions
He greeted his life with a smile.

His life was too soon passing,
And troubles he met every day,
But he scattered flowers of compassion
For all who he met on the way.

I know I will always miss him,
I know someday I will understand,
For I know he is dancing with angels,
And he sings with an angel band!

***

Larry Duane Lord
November 1, 1956 - July 1, 1993

*

For my son,
Who did not take a step on the earth,
But somehow left his imprint everywhere.

Lois Lord - June 14-15, 2001

9-11

Just like you I remember where I was

What I was doing and how I felt

On 9-11-2001.

I just no longer feel so sure who

Attacked our collective consciences

With explosive violence 

Hitting the American people in the gut

Filling bellies with hatred and fear?

My gut and my heart scream

Who IS The Enemy????

And are They gone yet?.....

Dead never gone...

You may be dead and gone these many years
But rest assured you live inside my head.
I wish your voice would go where you are...

It'd be fine to have you here inside my mind
If you had just one good thing to say...
 But even now, even dead, you don't.

lll 9/08/2012

growing stronger?

all my life too serious tomboy difficult different child
questioning authority silently angrily
dorothy hamil has 'fat thighs' what are mine?
can't be boyish can't be sexy
can't be anything but proper...

older wiser smarter finally saying no i'm ME!
years gathering shards of shattered ego
cutting pasting rearranging trying to save
the child inside hearing jeers instead of cheers
and wondering why everyone is laughing...

at me?

sunday evening angst...

It's like a 'break up to make up' every single week
and though I know you'll be back in mere days
it doesn't make it not hurt to see you go.

And I get jealous yes jealous
of the time you spend with others when
it takes away from the time you spend with me.

And yes I get bitchy when it seems to me
that you're not hearing what I'm saying or even that
I'm talking ...bothers me a lot...don't know why.

Nothing abnormal for those who see each other
every blessed day and things don't hang in the air...
unlike now when I'm here and you're there.

Maybe I'm whining or bitching or complaining
but all I really want you to know is that
I wish you were here. Every single day...

Soul on Fire

You awoke a sleeping tiger
And she's angry and she's hurt
And she paces to and fro
Eyes slits she ROARS!!!

Anger, hurt, then RAGE!!!
Burning hot coals
No one else can feel
Seething, pacing, soul on fire

Her pacing slows, stops.
Facing her tormentors
Head-on, tail twitching
She charges thru the gates of hell...

And is free